" "

El peso de las cosas no es más que gravedad por la magnitud de lo que sentimos.




.............................................................................................................................

'Story? What's the story about? Just your feelings or somebody else's? There's no story, honey. There is no us in your story. It's just in your head. Again'.

How could that be possible? Did I not see that glow in your staring? Was I just creating perfect scenarios that could only be real inside my mind? No, I listened, I felt. We felt. Was there even a 'we'? I don't know anymore. If you ask me what I feel, I would say I feel love - not in love - but a profound sadness at the same time. A grief of something that never died because it never existed. But it doesn't go away, it stays and haunts me and no matter what I do I think about what you'll be doing. I just carry the weight of you, same weight that used to feel so light, today drags me down and crashes my faith against the floor only to realise that it won't go. Everything stays but you. 

I wish I knew if I ever crossed your mind in a different direction, one that pulled me inwards and not outwards, even for a second. One before everything shattered.

Was - am I - really that blind? But I did see that something in your eyes again today, a something I can't even describe because I don't want to continue making up stuff in my brain (and in my heart) that will never be plausible.

Sooner or later everything falls into place.

What stays and what lets go.

It's been days. Not enough, you may say. But this just won't go. I am not being extra sensitive. Dramatic. I'm not overreacting. I've come to realise that.

 I cannot put - entirely - myself in your shoes, as you can't put in mine either. 

I feel everything so deeply. My love is simple. My mind wanders. My heart clinks.

And this stays. This, as the constant craving of you. Missing you.

I can only hope that what you need and/or are looking for is also looking for you. So this won't be in vain. So you (would you?) never look back and ask 'what if...?' Because I know I will. I do.